they never forget!!!

I always decide never to hit my son... donno how i can never manage my tempo and start loosing it when he acts like crazy instead of laughing at it.. I guess i am really sick.. I don't want him to hate me or start getting scared of me... he is so cute and beautiful and clever... I love him, I hate it when he tells his dad I hit him.. I guess i 'd better get cooler.. I need help.